Mud Stained Cheeks
by thekatthatbarks
Summary: "I wanted to tell you I loved you, but I waited too long." Prompt from meliss-cake on Tumblr.


"It's funny how things work out sometimes, isn't it?" Sakura smiled as tears ran down her face. She stepped forward and her fingers ran over the newly etched marks in the stone. "I never thought I'd be here with you like this. In this training ground where it all began…and ended."

There was no reply and Sakura took a shaky breath, closing her eyes. The world was deadly silent around her like it was in mourning with her. No birds chirped and she couldn't hear and rustling in the bushes from rabbits. She opened her eyes and glanced at the sky. It was dark with swirls of gray even though it was barely the afternoon. She'd been waiting for it to rain for days, wanting to feel like her tears weren't the only ones being shed.

"I loved you, Kakashi," she spoke, barely audible, but it wasn't like there was anyone there listening. More tears poured over her cheeks and she corrected herself, "I _love_ you."

The Memorial Stone just stared back at her silently and she could see her pathetic reflection in the marble. She closed her eyes, "You know, it was like I _knew_ when you left for your mission. I had this _feeling_ and it clutched at my heart. I wanted to tell you I loved you, but I waited too long. I just smiled back at you and told you to be safe as you left. And now I'm too late."

Sakura chocked on a sob and the strength of her knees gave out. She dropped to the ground, the memory of Kakashi's back still burned into her memory. Her fist slammed against the ground and it broke beneath her as she wasn't paying enough attention to her chakra, "Why didn't I tell you? _Dammit_. Why… _why_ , Kakashi…"

She heard thunder in the distance and it tore at her heart. Like it was Kakashi asking her the same question back. _Why?_ She looked back up at the stone, barely able to see it through her tears, but she could still find his name. "I've loved you for years. I've loved you _so much_. But I never said anything. I was too scared. I didn't know if you'd feel the same way. I didn't want to lose you…and look at us now…I lost you anyway in a much _much_ worse way."

Sakura squeezed her eyes shut, wanting the pain in her heart to go away just so she could _breathe_ for a second but also never wanting it to go away. She saw Kakashi's smiling face behind her lids, the way his shoulders shook when he laughed. Sakura chuckled humorlessly, realizing something, "I never got to see your face." She wiped at her face pointlessly as she was still crying, only managing to now smear dirt on her cheeks, "It was probably just as beautiful as the rest of you."

She felt like he might've loved her back. She could see it in eyes sometimes when he looked at her. In a lingering touch to her arm. When his fingers would comb through her hair casually as they lounged around on her couch. She imagined him teasing her, ruffling her hair just to get a rise out of her.

"Dammit, dammit, _dammit_ ," Sakura cried, her head falling to meet the ground, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I should've told you. I should've let you know you were loved. Showed you how much I loved you. But I _didn't_. _I'm_ … _so_ … _sorry_ …"

Sakura didn't know how long she laid there crying, but most days she didn't. She felt it when it started to rain. It soaked through her thin shirt and black spandex. It was cold and she was shivering, but she couldn't even distinguish between whether she was shaking from the cold or her sobs. She didn't move from her spot in front of the Memorial Stone and the ground around her quickly turned to mud. She was sure she was covered in it. Her hair now an dirty tainted pink. It was falling around her face to the ground, now long enough that it reached her waist. Kakashi had told her when it started growing long that it was beautiful even if _pink was odd for a ninja_. So, she had grown it out and taught Kakashi how to braid it, laughing at how ridiculous he always managed to make her look. But now, all she wanted to do was cut it all off.

That was how Naruto found her like he did most days. She knew he was there as soon as he entered the training ground, but didn't acknowledge him until he put a hand on her shoulder. She didn't have to look up at him to know how sad and worried he looked. He told her softly, "Sakura, Kakashi wouldn't want you grieving at the Memorial Stone every day like this."

Sakura ignored him, remembering how Kakashi visited the same stone every day when she was younger. Naruto read her thoughts and said, "He wouldn't want you doing the same."

She let him coax her into standing up, but she lost her balance and leaned into him. Naruto wrapped an arm around her waist to support her, "Sakura –"

"I loved him, you know," she spoke in a whisper, but she knew Naruto heard her. He always did.

He rubbed her shoulder, "I know, Sakura."

Naruto picked her up into his arms and tried to move her hair out of her face, "Sakura, why don't you come stay with me and Hinata for a while? We're worried about you."

But it was like Sakura didn't hear him and she looked back at the Memorial Stone as Naruto carried her away, " _They didn't even bring a body back._ "

It had been two years since Kakashi left for his mission. A year since Tsunade had declared him KIA. Sakura could still remember her sobbing in her office, saying he could still be alive. But Tsunade had told her calmly, if not a little heartbroken, that it was protocol to declare him dead if he hasn't returned in a year. _His mission was only supposed to be two weeks, Sakura. And his teammates were certain he didn't make it. There was too much blood. The ninken couldn't even find him._ Sakura could still hear herself weakly arguing, "But they didn't find his body!" And Tsunade had just hugged her, _Sometimes it's better when you don't find the body._

Sakura was living her life the best that she could. She still wasn't back to _herself_ as Naruto and Tsunade had put it, but she was _better_. In all honesty, she didn't think she'd ever go back to _herself_. She overworked herself at the hospital since Tsunade didn't deem her _stable_ enough to go on missions. But she couldn't blame her.

She had only stayed at Naruto's for a few months, before she had gained back some of her pride and went back to her own apartment. He still checked on her, though, as often as he could. Sakura appreciated him, probably more than he knew. She didn't know how she would've gotten through all of it without him.

She was just stepping into her apartment, when she felt something off. She grabbed the kunai from her thigh and crept slowly around the corner. She checked her kitchen first, but nothing was out of the ordinary. She went to her living room next and felt her heart stop at who she saw. _Kakashi._

He was leaning against the window, looking worse for wear with torn clothing and visible bruises on almost every inch of his visible skin. He was breathing hard and gave her a weak smile when he saw her, "Sakura."

She stared at him in shock, but then quickly threw her kunai at his head. He dodged it and looked back at her with wide eyes, "Sakura!"

She stalked towards him, pulling another kunai from her pouch. When she reached him, she held nothing back from throwing him to the ground. She straddled him and pressed her blade against her throat, "Who are you!?"

Kakashi, or _not Kakashi_ , didn't struggle beneath her as he told her breathless, "Kakashi, Sakura. I'm _Kakashi_."

"No!" Sakura yelled at him, tears forming in her eyes, " _No_. Kakashi is _dead_."

She tore the mask off of him and pressed the kunai against his bare skin, causing blood to trickle down the pale skin, "Who the _fuck_ are you!? You _bastard_!"

The man stared back at her and spoke in Kakashi's voice, "Sakura, it's me."

She shook her head and closed her eyes, trying to drop the genjutsu. She opened them and he was still there. The man looking exactly like Kakashi, speaking just like _Kakashi_. She tried to will herself to stop crying. Kakashi had always told her, _You're not supposed to show your emotions to your enemy, Sakura._

She growled at him, "Drop your henge or I'll kill you."

Sakura watched out of the corner of her eyes as the man's hand came up. But she didn't make a move to stop him and his hand touched her cheek. She could feel his thumb wiping her tears away gently, "Sakura, it really is me. It's Kakashi."

" _No_ ," she couldn't stop her tears now as she looked down at that smile, "It's a jutsu or something. It's not you. It _be._ _You're dead_ _. They told me you were_ _dead_ _."_

She closed her eyes, feeling her grip on her kunai loosening and he spoke softly, "I didn't die. I was captured. I just got away. I've been trying to get back all this time, to come home, to _you_."

A sob escaped Sakura's throat and she shook her head in denial. _No, it was too good to be true._ She needed more, she needed something. She met his eyes, "Summon Pakkun then."

She watched as he brought his hand away from her face and wiped his finger across the cut she had caused. His other hand came up and she sat back as he formed the jutsu. Sakura wasn't paying attention to his hands, just watching his eyes. He could be performing a jutsu to kill her. But she found that she didn't really care. If she was going to die, then she'd want Kakashi's face to be the last thing she saw.

He slammed his hand on the ground beside them and Sakura watched in shock as smoke appeared, revealing a startled pug. Pakkun looked between Kakashi and Sakura in shock. And Kakashi waved two fingers at him, "Yo."

Pakkun padded over to Kakashi and sniffed at him. He looked over at Sakura and told her, his voice a little strained, "He's the real thing, Sakura. It's Boss." Then, Pakkun disappeared in a poof, promising to go tell the rest of the pack.

Kakashi looked back at Sakura with a small smile and asked her, "Do you believe me now?"

Sakura cried and threw herself at him. He caught her, falling to his back and she shook in his arms. He held her tightly as Sakura almost squeezed the life out of him as she babbled, "They said you were d-dead. It was a year…and your name's on the – the stone…I-I… _Kakashi_ …"

He rubbed a hand down her back, trying to calm her down, whispering brokenly to her, "I'm sorry, Sakura…I'm so sorry."

She felt Kakashi kiss the top of her head and she picked her head up from where she had buried it in his neck. She tried to control her breathing as she looked down at him, seeing tears in the corners of his eyes. One of his hands held her face and he wiped her tears away. His other hand combed through her hair in a soothing way like he used to do. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek, then his other, and soon she was planting kisses all over his face.

He caught her lips with his and he kissed her. Sakura felt fresh tears and their kiss tasted salty. But it was the best kiss she had ever had. She pulled away from him enough to tell him with a smile with tears still running down her face, "I love you and I never want to be too late to tell you again."

Kakashi's arm wrapped around her waist and he held her closer to him. He kissed her back, "I love you, too."


End file.
